It's Eureka, Daria
by RLobinske
Summary: When Helen accepts a better offer from Global Dynamics, the Morgendorffers move to Eureka instead of Lawndale.
1. Bathing With Archimedes

Disclaimer: Daria and associated characters are owned by MTV. Eureka and associated characters are owned by Universal Studios. This is fan fiction written for entertainment only. No money or other negotiable currency or goods have been exchanged.

An _It's Eureka, Daria_ story.

Richard Lobinske

**Bathing with Archimedes**

"Damn strategic weapons limitation treaties," the rumpled scientist grumbled as he hunched over something on his laboratory bench. He looked through a magnifier as he worked on a dull silver ring. After a final adjustment, he put the ring on his finger and held it under a lamp that gave off a purple glow under a label that read, "Danger: Ultraviolet Radiation Hazard."

After several seconds, he brought his hand back and inspected it. "Perfect. Frumsworth, you're a genius, if I say so myself. They can't take that away from me, just like that stupid treaty couldn't stop me from putting my theories to use. After all, that's such a strange combination of optics, nobody will wear them."

* * *

Jake Morgendorffer drove his Lexus down the scenic, suburban street toward his two daughters' new school. The elder, Daria, sat to his right and stared out the side window, feigning disinterest while the younger sat in the backseat, showing apprehension. He said, "Girls, I just want you to know your mother and I realize it's not easy moving to a whole new town - especially for you, Quinn, right?"

The redhead sighed and said, "Why did we have to move?"

Jake said, "Your mother couldn't pass up the opportunity. You make friends easily; you'll be okay."

Quinn said, "We could've gone to that other place Mom interviewed. What was it called again? Lawndale?"

"Where I'm sure you would've fit in just fine," Daria said.

Jake said, "I know, Quinn, but there was something creepy about the guys in that law firm. I think your mother will be a lot happier working on the legal team for Global Dynamics."

Quinn sunk lower into the seat. "Whatever."

Jake said as he pulled to a stop in front of the school, "Daria, please try to help your sister through this transition."

"I'll try." Daria glanced at the "Tesla High School" sign before saying, "I'll see you later, Dad."

When she got out of the car, a blonde girl standing near the entrance said, "Thank goodness, another new student."

Feeling self-conscious, Quinn got out of the car.

The girl said, "Two new students. Even better. Hi, Im Zoe Carter."

Daria said, "Im Daria Morgendorffer and this is my sister, Quinn."

Quinn nodded. "Hi."

Zoe said, "What kind of geniuses are your parents?"

"Geniuses?" Daria said. "My parents?"

* * *

Helen Morgendorffer entered the Director's office to find a handsome man standing behind a desk. He rose and offered his hand. "I'm Nathan Stark. So glad to meet you, Helen."

Helen looked around at the very modern-styled and roomy office that overlooked the entrance lobby. "I'm glad to be here, Dr. Stark. Actually, from what I've heard about Global Dynamics, I'm honored."

"Mrs. Morgendorffer. Despite your previous, humble employment in Highland, the review committee was impressed with your corporate tax work. Just the thing we need here at Global Dynamics."

"Thank you, Dr. Stark."

"And very importantly, we couldn't find any felony convictions or Bar Association actions against you."

"Um, yes, I see."

Nathan gave her a smirk and said, "And you came highly recommended."

"Yes, Dr. Stark."

A young man entered the room and Nathan said, "My assistant, Douglas Fargo, will show you to your office. Fargo?"

"Right away, Dr. Stark," Fargo said. "Please follow me, Mrs. Morgendorffer."

Helen followed the young man to an office on the ground floor of Global Dynamics. Fargo said, "Here you go. Your computer account has already been set up and you can just log in with the username you were given. You will have to change your password right away."

"Not that unusual," Helen said.

"They're sticklers for security around here. Don't use an easy password."

"Don't worry, I won't use my birthday."

"Actually, they want you to use a password at least 14 characters long, upper and lower case with at least one number and one non-alphanumeric character."

Helen sighed. "I'm sure I can think of something."

"And you're not allowed to write it down. That's a termination offense."

"I see."

"If you have any problems, the password help desk is open 24 hours a day."

"How thoughtful."

* * *

"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!" Jake screamed as he pounded the steering wheel of his car. "A ticket on my first day?"

Behind Jake's car, Sheriff Jack Carter parked his SUV and spoke on the radio. "Thanks, Jo. Since we're both new in town, I'll probably just give him a warning."

A woman's voice said, "His driving record from Texas is as long as my arm."

"If I'm getting a new start, I'll let him have one."

"You're the boss."

Jack walked to the parked car and said, "May I see your license, please?"

Jake hurriedly produced the item and nervously said, "I haven't had a chance to get a new license, officer. It's not like I'm trying to avoid it, but between moving here and trying to get my daughters to school and trying to find anything in this town, I haven't had time!"

"That's okay, Mr. Morgendorffer. You have thirty days to get a new license."

"Whew," Jake said. "Does that mean I can go, now?"

"Not yet. There is the reason I pulled you over."

"Oh," Jake said, dejected.

"I'm new around here myself and not familiar with the roads."

"Me, too!"

"So I can understand if you missed a speed limit sign."

"That's right. I didn't mean to go 55 in a 35 zone."

Jack covered his face for a moment. "Sir, I'm going to give you a warning this time."

"Thank you!"

"Justdrive careful in the future."

"Sure thing!"

"Please?"

* * *

Walking along, Zoe told Quinn, "This top? I got it back when I lived in LA."

"LA? I'm so jealous," Quinn said.

"It's not all it's cracked up to be."

"You've never been to Highland. I wonder where you can shop around here."

Zoe said, "Downtown, but I haven't had a chance to look around much, yet."

Daria watched them walk by and slowed. "Sure thing, Dad. I'll help her fit in."

"Always talk to yourself?" a girl standing behind her said.

Daria turned to see a girl with black hair, wearing red. "Only when I want an interesting conversation."

"I know the feeling. Jane Lane."

"Daria Morgendorffer. Since it seems to be the standard introduction, what kind of geniuses are your parents?"

Jane laughed out loud. "I wouldn't call them geniuses."

"Oh?"

"Dad does photography for Global Dynamics."

"I'm surprised that he doesn't have a doctorate in optics or something."

"That was the last guy," Jane said. "He knew everything about optics, but he had a lousy eye for pictures. He sucked."

"So your dad has a good eye for pictures?"

"And doesn't have a clue about optics. What about you?"

"Mom's a new lawyer for Global Dynamics. Dad is going to, um, consult for the downtown businesses."

"Ouch."

"Ouch?"

"You haven't heard about how fast GD chews through lawyers?"

* * *

After school, Jane said, "Come on; let's get a bite to eat."

Daria asked, "Is there a pizza place in town?"

"One, but I'd rather go to Caf Diem."

"Caf Diem?"

"Hokey name, but great food. Vincent claims that he can make anything you ask for and, so far, I haven't heard of him not delivering."

Daria shrugged. "Sounds good to me. The only other thing I have to do is go back to the boarding house."

"Ms. Barlowe's?"

"That's it. I don't know what it is, but I really don't want to stay in a place run by the local shrink."

"Don't blame you."

"We're supposed to be given housing soon. At least, I hope it's soon."

"I have to admit that Eureka has nice houses," Jane said. "Even we Lanes landed a nicer place than we had back in Lawndale."

"Wait a minute. Is that Lawndale, Maryland?"

"You've heard of it?"

"We almost moved there. My mom turned down a job offer from a law firm."

"Small world."

Daria looked down the road. "Yeah, small world."

Jane shrugged. "Eh, you get used to weird stuff in this town."

"How weird?"

"A woman showing up after the funeral of her clone."

"Okay, that's weird. I bet people were talking about that for years."

"It was last week."

"Oh."

"Come on. You mentioned pizza and now I want some. Caf Diem is right over there."

* * *

Seated at the counter and holding a slice, Daria said, "Damn, this is the best pizza I've ever tasted."

Vincent, the cheerful proprietor of Caf Diem, said, "I aim to please. You won't believe how long it took me to calibrate the fusion core to match the thermodynamics of a New York brick oven."

Daria said, "Fusion core?"

Vincent waved. "They're going to be all the rage on the foodie shows in ten years."

"Well, however you make it, the pizza's good."

Jane knocked back an espresso like it was a shot of whiskey. "And good coffee."

Vincent lifted an eyebrow. "Jane Lane. How many times have I told you that you're supposed to savor it?"

"Oh, yeah," she said. "Give me another one so that I can."

Vincent took a couple of steps to the coffee machine. "Just a moment."

A woman wearing a sheriff deputy's uniform entered the restaurant. While finishing the espresso, Vincent looked up and said, "Good afternoon, Jo. What will you have today?"

The woman stopped next to the teens and said, "Daria Morgendorffer?"

"That's me."

Jane cautiously looked at the woman. "Deputy Lupo."

Jo Lupo said, "Jane Lane. I hope you're not getting into any trouble."

"Me?"

Jo sighed and shifted her attention back to Daria. "Daria, your parents are looking for you. GD has assigned your family their new home."

"A real place to live," Daria said. "Do I have time to finish my pizza?"

"I don't see where it will hurt." Jo said over the counter, "Vincent, a blueberry muffin, please."

Vincent placed the coffee in front of Jane and said, "Coming right up!"

Daria said, "I know my mom's a new lawyer in town and such, but how did trying to find me rate the services of a sheriff's deputy?"

Jo said, "Well, your sister and Sheriff Carter's daughter caught a ride with him to the boarding house. Your mother asked if you were with them and, since you weren't, Carter asked me to do a quick check around town."

"Oh, and here I thought they were worried about Daria associating with me," Jane said.

"They should," Jo said, taking a muffin from Vincent. "But I know you can't get in too much trouble here. Vincent won't let you."

"That's right," Vincent said. "Or I will cut off your espresso."

Jane said, "That is a man who knows how to wield power."

Daria finished her slice and said, "Okay, I'm ready. Guess I'll see you tomorrow, Jane."

"I'll be around," Jane said. "Someone has to be creative around here."

* * *

Riding with Deputy Lupo, Daria said, "This isn't the way to the boarding house."

Jo said, "I'm taking you straight to your new place. GD sent staff to move your things."

Daria frowned. "I'm not thrilled about some stranger packing my underwear."

"Don't worry. Protocol requires them to wear disposable gloves."

Daria shook her head. "That makes me feel so much better, thinking about some perv with latex gloves pawing through my underwear."

"They're professionals, Daria. It'll be okay."

Slightly annoyed, Daria said, "But what about my porn stash?"

It was Jo's turn to shake her head. "No wonder you hit it off with Jane so well."

"Is there a problem with her?"

"Jane is, well, Jane."

"That was informative."

"Let's just say that some people don't appreciate her creativity."

"Like you?"

"More like that I don't appreciate cleaning up the messes it can cause."

* * *

Fargo led the Morgendorffers through an airlock that led into a dome that was covered with clear panels. Inside the dome was what looked like a fairly normal house situated amid planted crops, trees and a couple of ponds. He said, "Welcome to the Bio-Home."

"Bio-Home?" Helen said.

"That's right," Fargo replied. "A biologically self-contained and self-sufficient house. Air, food, and water are continuously recycling within the dome with no need for outside inputs beyond electricity not covered by the solar panels."

"Recycled?" Quinn said, "Does that mean that ourewww."

Jake said, "All of this is for us?"

"That's right, Mr. Morgendorffer," Fargo said. "Compliments of Global Dynamics."

"Wow."

Daria said, "Um, Dr. Fargo, how experimental is this place?"

He said, "It's a prototype."

"In other words, we're guinea pigs."

"Oh, no, no, no," Fargo said. "We're well past the guinea pig stage. You'reum," Fargo caught himself and said, "going to be pioneers."

Helen said, "Who's going to handle maintenance?"

"There's a 24-hour hotline for you to call."

Daria said, "Please, don't tell me that there's a talking computer in the house."

Fargo answered, "Sorry, but I've only been able to install a SARAH in Sheriff Carter's house."

Daria held up her hand. "Just show us to our rooms."

* * *

Daria followed Fargo and he pointed out her room. When she opened the door, she said, "Ms. Barlowe?"

"Please, I've told you to call me Beverly," replied the attractive redhead within. "I had a feeling you wouldn't want regular staff packing your things, so I took care of it. Don't worry, I was very circumspect."

"Oh, um, thank you."

Beverly patted a suitcase and moved to the door. "I need to get back to a client. I hope you enjoy your new home."

"I hope so, too," Daria said, watching her leave.

Fargo continued watching Beverly until she was out of sight.

Daria shook her head at his blatant stare and went inside her room, closing the door. The room was painted a pleasing two-tone green and when she sat on the bed, it was just the right firmness. Situated on a corner of the house, the room had two windows that looked out over the miniature ecosystems around the house that sustained it. "Nice."

Opening the suitcases and boxes, she was pleasantly surprised to find things neatly packed and easy to find. Much easier to find than when she'd packed to move out of Highland.

From Quinn's room, Daria could hear her sister say, "Eww! What kind of monkey packed my clothes? They're a mess!"

Daria raised an eyebrow, shrugged, and got on with unpacking her clothes.

* * *

At a stop sign, Jake pulled around the jeep and stopped next to the sheriff's jeep. "Sheriff Carter!" he said, calling across the car and through the open passenger window.

"Morning, Mr. Morgendorffer. What can I do for you?"

"Don't tell anyone, but I'm a little lost. Um, where's Copernicus Circle?"

Jack took a couple seconds to remember the town layout before saying, "Go straight three more blocks and then turn right. Go two blocks and it'll be on your left."

"Thanks!"

"You're welcome, and Mr. Morgendorffer?"

"Yes?"

"This isn't a one-way road. You're in the wrong lane."

* * *

It was lunch the next day before Daria and Jane had much of a chance to talk. Daria said, "So they moved us into this place called the Bio-Home"

Jane had to put her hand over her mouth to prevent a messy spit-take. She swallowed her milk and said, "The Bio-Home?"

"What should I know about the place?"

"If you're asking, that means that they must've cleaned out the smell."

"The smell?"

"From what I understand, the bugs in the waste recycling system went on a rampage."

Confused, Daria said, "How do bacteria go on a rampage?"

"When they gang up to protest what they were being fed."

"But they're being fed"

"Well, the previous residents were vegetarians and the bugs wanted meat in their diet."

"So they ganged up and went on a rampage? Like charging through the house?"

"More like a big flush."

"Eww," Daria said, looking at her lunch and no longer feeling hungry.

"That's what the previous residents said."

Daria lifted her eyes and faintly smiled. "You know, now I'm glad my sister got the room closest to the bathroom."

"I remember having siblings around the house."

"You remember? What happened?"

Jane said, "I was the only one underage when Dad got the job and moved here with Mom last year. My brother Trent likes to think he's a musician and stayed because he couldn't break up his band. So now, he lives in a room behind a piercing parlor and calls occasionally when he needs money."

"Just the one brother?"

"Nah, I have one more brother and two sisters, but I don't think they've figured out where we moved, yet. I kind of feel sorry for whoever bought our old house, because I'm sure at least one of them has tried to stumble in at some oh-dark-thirty hour of the night."

* * *

Jane caught up with Daria after school. "Hey there, you're looking a little shell-shocked. Calculus?"

Daria shook her head to clear it. "I'm not in Highland any more."

"I'm glad ol' Janey's an artist. Stuff like that makes my head hurt."

"We were working with ultraviolet pigments in art class today."

"I know. Ain't it cool?"

"I hate to say it, but I think I'm going to like it here."

"It's sure a step up from Lawndale."

"It's a giant leap from Highland."

Jane nodded. "Pizza?"

"Pizza."

* * *

"Welcome home, Zoe," SARAH said as she and Quinn entered the Smart House. "Who is your guest?"

Zoe said, "SARAH, this is Quinn. She's new in town, too. Quinn, SARAH is the house computer."

"Welcome to Eureka, Quinn."

Uncertain, Quinn said, "Thanks, SARAH."

"Would you like some refreshments?" SARAH asked. "I have fresh pineapple juice and carrot sticks."

Zoe said, "Sounds good, SARAH."

"Do you have any diet pineapple juice?" Quinn asked.

"I'm afraid not," SARAH said. "Why would you need it? The caloric value of fresh pineapple juice is completely appropriate for a young woman of your height and weight, not to mention the nutritional advantages of fresh juice compared to artificially prepared diet drinks."

"You know my weight?" Quinn said, horrified.

Trying to be soothing, SARAH said, "Don't worry, Quinn. Zoe has informed me of the need for confidentiality about weight. Nobody will ever hear it from me."

Zoe said, "She blabbed my weight to my dad."

"Zoe," SARAH said. "I am still learning the complexities of father/daughter interactions. I promise that it won't happen again."

* * *

In his office, the principal of Tesla High watched split surveillance footage of Daria and Jane walking away from school, as well as Quinn and Zoe. "They seem to be getting along. Are you sure about this? Jane isn't the best influence around here and, from what I've seen, Zoe has a few issues of her own. New students often take a little time to adapt to the academic climate and I worry about them being distracted."

Beverly stood beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder as she watched. "I think that they complement each other. Complement each other very well."

Nervous, the principal said, "Was that a _professional_ opinion?"

"Of course. I want all of them to have a good friend."

The principal nodded again. "I see."

"I thought you would."

* * *

Late in the morning, Jake parked his car in a driveway and double-checked the address. Then, he saw the name on the mailbox and knew he was in the right place. "Dr. Frumsworth. Jake Morgendorffer is going to put your invention on the map!"

* * *

Holding her lunch tray, Quinn said, "There they are."

"After you," Zoe said, also holding a tray. The girls crossed the cafeteria and stopped next to Daria and Jane.

Quinn said, "Can we sit here?"

Daria shrugged. "Can't stop you."

Quinn sat next to Daria and Zoe sat next to Jane.

Jane asked, "Feeling a little alienated?"

Zoe said, "This school is full of brains."

"Not a bad thing," Daria said.

Quinn said, "And they're brains that know how to dress and to be popular. It's overwhelming."

Daria shrugged while Jane looked down with a grin.

Zoe said, "Daria, Quinn says that you're smart. Cancan you help us?"

"Help?" Daria said.

"Study," Zoe said. "This place is nothing like my old school in LA."

"I just try to survive and concentrate on art," Jane said. "Unlike the tin pot dictator that ran my old school, they really try to find out where you fit around here. Give them a chance."

Daria said, "I hope so. The teachers here are pushing me more than I've ever experienced before. Must be about to kill you, Quinn."

"Not funny, Daria. Please?"

"What's my motivation?"

"Twenty?"

Zoe said, "You're trying to bribe your sister?"

"Compensation," Daria said. "Thirty."

"What about in kind donations?" Jane said.

"Like what?" Daria asked.

"Zoe's dad is the sheriff. How about a get out of jail free card?"

Zoe laughed. "Forget it. He threw me in jail when we first got here."

"Remind me not to get caught by him," Jane said.

Quinn said, "Twenty-five."

"Deal."

Jane and Zoe looked at each other with eyes that said, "And I thought my family was screwed up."

* * *

At the end of Calculus, Daria sat for a moment looking at her notes. Behind her, someone said, "Dr. Wilkes is pretty intense. Especially if you're new in town."

Daria turned to see one of the other sophomores, a boy with curly, blond hair and gold-framed glasses. He said, "I'm Patrick."

"Daria."

"If you need a hand until you get up to speed, just say something. I'd like to help you."

"I'm good," Daria curtly replied.

Patrick stepped back. "Okay, then. See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." Daria finished putting her stuff together. She was glad the boy was gone by the time she rose. _I'll get this on my own,_ she thought. _I've always had to._

* * *

Waiting next to the Lexus, Jake waved and said, "Over here, girls. Want a ride home?"

Daria said, "Sure, Dad. It's better than walking."

"Dad, can I bring my friend along?" Quinn said.

"Of course you can, Quinn! Daria, what about your little friend."

Standing four inches taller than Daria, Jane raised an eyebrow, but said, "I don't have anyplace I need to be. Sure, I'll take a whiff of the Bio-Home."

"Great!" Jake said. "Get in, girls."

While introductions were exchanged, Daria and Jane squeezed into the front seat, leaving Zoe and Quinn in the back. As soon as the girls were buckled in, Jake started the car and pulled away. "Zoe, Jane. Did you grow up in Eureka?"

Jane said, "Nah, I'm a transplant that's learned to adapt."

Zoe said, "I've only been here a little while."

"Hey, another new kid," Jake said. "What brought you here?"

Not wanting to explain that she had run away from her mother and that her parents had agreed to let her stay in Eureka, Zoe simply said, "My father's the new sheriff."

"Oh, um. I met him. Nice guy."

"I guess - when he's not being a cop."

Jake said, "Oh. Daria, Quinn, how do you like your new school?"

"It's challenging," Daria said. "I could get used to it." Only someone who knew her very well could've caught the doubt in her voice.

"It's okay," Quinn said, very unconvincingly.

* * *

Seeing Caf Diem ahead, Jake said, "Hey, kids, do you want to stop for soda or something?"

Daria said, "Why not?"

Jane said, "Sure."

"Okay, daddy," Quinn said.

Finally, Zoe said, "Okay, Mr. Morgendorffer."

Jake parked the car near the caf. Then, he said, "Daria, hand me that bag on the floor."

"Okay." Daria picked up a metal foil bag and gave it to her father.

Grinning, Jake opened it and passed a ring to each girl. "I almost forgot. I saw my first client today and he gave me these to hand out."

"What are they?" Quinn said. "They're not exactly fashionable."

"Sunscreen!" Jake eagerly said.

Dubious, Daria held up her ring. "I don't think you can spread this over your skin."

"You don't have to; that's the whole point. All you have to do is wear it and you don't have to worry about messy, smelly sunscreens."

"Now that's an invention we can use," Quinn said, putting hers on.

Daria said, "How does it work?"

"It generates some kind of a thing-a-ma-field that bends the bad rays around you."

Daria shrugged. "Can't hurt."

Zoe also put hers on. "Sounds good to me."

As everyone got out of the car, Jane pocketed her ring. "I like messy, smelly sunscreens, but I'm sure I can use it in some sculpture or something."

* * *

Returning to the table with the girls' sodas, Vincent said, "Daria, what's with the eyes?"

"What do you mean?" she said.

"Whoa," Zoe said. "Your eyes are glowing."

"It's really creepy looking," Quinn said, looking worried.

Jane sighed and rubbed her eyes. "I bet it's the ring."

Daria asked, "Why do you think that?"

"If something weird happens to you in this town, the first thing you suspect is the latest GD technology you've encountered."

"Experience?"

Vincent said, "Yeah."

"Then I better take the ring off."

Jane stopped her. "Better get it checked out, first. Just taking it off could be worse."

"More Eureka experience?" Daria said.

"Oh, yeah."

Zoe opened her cell phone. "I'll call my dad."

* * *

Sitting outside the caf to give the girls some space, Jake sat up when he heard the siren on Sheriff Carter's Jeep and stood in near-panic when the Sheriff stopped in front. "What's going on?" Jake yelled.

Jack jumped out of the Jeep and, a moment later, an African-American man wearing a worn shop coverall with "Henry's Garage" printed over one pocket stepped out from the other side.

Jack said, "Mr. Morgendorffer, I was hoping you could tell me. Zoe called and said something strange was happening to your daughter, Daria."

"What?" Jake said, spinning and running inside.

"Henry, I may have found a father more clueless than I am," Jack quietly said as he followed Jake.

Shaking his head in amusement, Henry followed Jack. Inside, he saw a young woman glowing purple and said, "Oh, my."

"Kiddo!" Jake cried as he rushed forward.

Jack and Henry grabbed Jake's arms. Henry said, "Hold on until we figure out what's going on."

"But that's my kid!"

"I'm okay, Dad," Daria said. "Well, other than glowing like a black light Christmas decoration."

"Hold still while I scan," Henry said after taking a pen-like device from his coverall pocket. He clicked a button on the top and pointed the other end at Daria. "Oh, by the way. I'm Henry Deacon."

"I'm not exactly sure that I need a mechanic."

"How about one that worked on the shuttle?" Henry said with a friendly smile.

Jack asked the other girls, "Okay, girls. Did Daria get into anything unusual? You know, radioactive chamber, time-space something-or-other, mutant spore cloud?"

Quinn held up her hand. "She's wearing one of these sunscreen rings that Dad got from one of his clients."

"But you're not glowing," Jack said.

Zoe held up her hand. "Neither am I."

Jane took her ring from the pocket. "I've got one."

Henry said, "Thank you, Jane," and took the ring from her. "Mr. Morgendorffer?"

"Yes?" Jake said.

"Are these from Dr. Frumsworth?"

"How did you know?"

Henry said, "He's been working on the idea for a couple years. It uses technology from banned invisibility technology the DOD abandoned. It refracts the UVA and UVB rays around the wearer, preventing sun damage."

Confused, Jake said, "What?"

"My thoughts, exactly," Jack said.

Vincent looked at his hand. "Ow. When did I get a sunburn?"

Henry quickly rechecked the scan. "We've got to get you away from everybody! You're radiating UV light as well as the visible near-UV spectrum. You're going to cause sunburn or worse to anyone directly exposed."

Vincent moved back to block the entrance to his kitchen area. "No out-of-control GD technology in the kitchen. It's in my contract. And don't even think about the bathrooms."

"She's radioactive?" Quinn said, yanking her ring off.

Jane looked at the ring on the floor and back at Quinn, who showed no ill effects. "Zoe, I think it's safe for you to take yours off."

Zoe did the same and said, "What about Daria?"

"Can't risk it. We don't know what the concentrated UV radiation might do to her if we take away the protection it's giving her," Henry said. "Daria, now."

Shading their eyes, Jack and Henry rushed Daria outside the caf.

Daria said, "What about you?"

"We need to get you behind some cover while I check on some things."

"Where?" Jake said.

Daria looked up at the statue of Archimedes in his bathtub displayed in the small town square. The top of the pedestal was about a foot higher than her head and the top of the tub three feet above that. "I suppose I could crawl up there with him."

"Good idea, Daria," Henry said. "That's solid granite and will provide plenty of protection."

The glow from Daria was getting brighter as Jack and Henry helped her climb up the statue and into the tub.

From within the tub, they could hear Daria say, "Tell the sculptor, 'thank you' for not detailing it inside."

Jack touched his cheek. "Am I sunburned?"

Henry said, "Like a lobster."

Daria said, "I heard that. It can't be good for me."

"Hold on," Henry said. "We're working on it."

"Well, hurry up. I've got another problem up here."

By this time, there was a very bright glow coming from the tub. Daria said, "You know how UV light can cause fabrics to break down over time?"

"Yeah?"

"Over is coming really fast."

* * *

Holding a small display device in one hand, Henry used the other to hold his cell phone. "Dr. Frumsworth, it has to be the glasses. That's the only obvious difference between the girl affected and the others." Henry listened and then asked Jake, "What's Daria's prescription?"

"She's not on any medication," Jake said. "Oh god! Do you think she's on drugs?"

"Eyeglasses prescription," Henry patiently explained.

"I don't know!"

Jack said, "It's not exactly the kind of thing I'd remember, either. Can't you just scan her glasses with the sensor thingy of yours?"

Henry nodded. "Yes, I can."

Jake said, "What's going on?"

"Dr. Frumsworth explained that glasses shouldn't cause a problem unless they have a very specific combination of myopia and astigmatism correcting optics that could interact with the field to convert other electromagnetic wavelengths to UV as they pass through the system."

Jack said, "Then taking her out into the sunlight was a bad idea."

"Sounds like it," came Daria's voice from the sculpture.

Henry partially climbed up the sculpture and held the scanner over the edge of the tub. "Daria, can you look at the scanner so that I can get your prescription?"

"How about if I take off my glasses?"

"Don't. If they are the cause of the malfunction, removing them would disrupt the field and bathe you in a dangerous level of UV radiation."

They heard shuffling and then Daria's head poked above the rim. She said, "Okay. Hurry up, because things are getting rather skimpy up here."

Henry studied the results. "Damn."

Daria dropped down and said, "That sounds like I have just the right combination of myopia and astigmatism correcting optics in my glasses. Great."

While this was going on, Jack ran to his Jeep and returned with a tarp. "Can we throw this over her to block the sunlight?"

"Good idea, Jack."

Henry and Jake helped him to cover the sculpture, which led to a muffled, "Thanks," from Daria.

"What now?" Jack asked.

Henry said, "The tarp bought us some time."

"But she's in the dark," Jake said. "Shouldn't things shut off now?"

"I'm afraid not. The tarp doesn't stop all electromagnetic radiation and the diffraction field is progressively turning more and more of that spectrum to ultraviolet," Henry explained. "Eureka is filled with EM radiation from radio signals to transmission power to experimental waves of different kinds."

"Im still glowing in here," Daria said.

Henry said, "We need to get her into full EM containment."

Jack grabbed his portable radio. "Where do I send Jo to get some?"

"Global Dynamics, but it'll be faster if they send out a response team."

Jack shook his head. "I hate it when those guys show up."

* * *

Several men wearing Tyvek coveralls and respirators ferried plates and framing material from the heavy response truck to where a dome was being built around the sculpture. They moved to the side to avoid the car that drove past and stopped in front of the crowd gathered near Caf Diem. The passenger door was thrown open and Helen stormed out, saying, "Jake, where's our daughter!"

Jake pointed and said, "Up there, Helen."

"What in the hell happened?"

While Jake tried to explain, an attractive African-American woman got out of the driver's side of the car and said, "Jack, Henry. Fill me in, please."

Henry said, "Alison, do you remember Dr. Frumsworth's plan to adapt invisibility technology to sunscreen material?"

"Yes, vaguely," Alison Blake replied.

"He's adapted it to a practical device. Well, more like an almost practical device."

Irritated, Alison said, "He was supposed to get DOD approval before distributing any prototypes. What seems to be the problem?"

"The young lady up there," Henry said, pointing toward the covered sculpture, "had the misfortune of wearing the wrong glasses prescription."

"The focused inversion effect?" Alison said.

"Exactly. She's in Archimedes's bathtub and under the tarp to reduce as much EM as we can while the response crew builds full EM containment around her."

"Hurry it up." Alison directed Henry's attention to where Helen was interrogating Vincent, Zoe, Jane and Quinn. "Her mother's the new lawyer for Global and I don't want to scare her off."

Seeing Vincent shrink away from Helen, Henry said, "I think I'd be more worried about her scaring off the locals."

Alison sighed. "I've noticed that she can be rather intense."

* * *

Helen looked at the black dome and said, "Now, what?"

Henry said, "We wait a few minutes for the diffraction field to settle down and then we can send somebody in to monitor for activity. When it drops down far enough, Daria can remove the ring. Most likely she'll be all right, but there is a slim chance of a last-second burst of UV from the shield energy when it shuts down. In that case, she may need help."

"I'll go," Jake said. "That's my kiddo in there."

"And you're her father," Jack said. "But I'm the one paid to do this. It's my job."

Disappointed, Jake said, "Okay."

"And I want you standing right by the door when we come out," Jack said.

"Okay!"

Helen said, "Sheriff Carter, I was told that the radiation from this ring has destroyed her clothes. She'll need something to wear."

Henry stepped to the response truck and came back with a folded coverall. "Not high fashion, but it'll do for the moment."

"You can't be serious," Quinn said. "Even Daria doesn't deserve to be seen in something like that."

"Better than being naked," Jack said.

Quinn had to think for a moment. "Barely."

Jack said, "Henry, what do I need to look for in there?"

"If all goes well, you won't be able to see a thing except this display," Henry said, giving Jack his scanner. "It'll be completely dark."

"Good," Jack said.

"When this display drops below that line, it's safe for Daria to take off the ring. I suggest that both of you cover your eyes, just in case. If there is a release, the UV will certainly cause burns and you don't want your retinas damaged."

"Okay, say take off the ring and close eyes. Got it."

"After things are clear, toss the coverall up to Daria and help her down afterward. Finally, put the ring in this containment box," Henry said, placing a small, metal box in Jack's hand.

"I think I can handle that."

Jack went to the dome's door with Jake by his side. Helen also approached and said, "Get my daughter back."

"I will, Mrs. Morgendorffer. Don't worry."

Helen said, "If she's hurt, I'll sue the pants off of Global Dynamics even though I work for them."

Jack said, "Henry knows what he's doing."

"Do you?"

"I do okay," Jack said before making his escape through the door and into the dome. Standing in the dark, he said, "Daria?"

"I'm still here," she said. "It's getting cold."

Jack followed the display as it fell. "Just a minute more and you can take off the ring."

"Finally."

"When you do, close your eyes."

"Why?"

"There's a slight chance of a last-minute flash thing. Something about residual energy."

Despite the situation, Daria smiled faintly. "Something tells me that you'll get along fine with my dad."

"He's a good guy. He's waiting right outside, with your mother."

"Mom," Daria said. "How many people has she threatened to sue?"

"I lost count." Jack checked the scanner. "Okay, you're down to a safe level. Close your eyes and take off the ring on three. Ready?"

"Ready."

"One, two, three."

A purple flash lasting a tiny fraction of a second filled the interior of the dome. Jake said, "Daria?"

"I'm okay, I think." Daria moved a little and said, "Ouch. Okay, a little sunburned."

"This probably isn't going to be the most comfortable thing to wear, but it's what we had on hand," Jack said. He gently tossed the coverall up to the tub.

Daria fumbled to locate the coverall and put it on. "Could be worse, I guess."

"Let's get you out of here."

Jack helped Daria out of the tub and over to the door, using the scanner display as a light. When they opened the door, the crowd outside burst into applause.

Less than a second later, Daria was smothered by hugs from Jake, Helen and Quinn. She could barely say, "Ow. Ow. Ow, ow."

After she and her parents let go of her sister, Quinn noticed the rumpled, white coverall. "Daria, I know it's better than being naked, but we've got to get you into something else right away."

* * *

Her face red and sitting very carefully to avoid irritating any more of the total body sunburn she had to endure, Daria still felt overwhelmed at the end of Calculus class the next day.

She moved slowly as she picked up her books and let the other students file out of class. However, when Patrick walked by, she quietly said, "Is that offer still open?"

"To help? Yes."

"Thanks." Daria finished getting her things together.

"If you don't mind me asking," Patrick said, "what changed your mind? You seemed pretty determined yesterday."

Daria pointed to her face. "After spending half of yesterday afternoon cowering, naked, in Archimedes's bathtub and getting the worst sunburn of my life, I've had to admit that I can't do everything on my own."

Patrick stopped and tilted his head, letting a small smile form. "One time, I had my tongue frozen to the flagpole."

"Embarrassing, but not all that strange."

"It was in July."

Daria started walking and waved her head for him to follow. "Life here is not going to be dull."

* * *

Sharing a pizza with Jane after school, Daria said, "It seems like everyone in town has some kind of story. What strange thing happened to you?"

Jane nervously looked around.

Daria said, "It can't be more embarrassing than what I went through."

"Well"

"Jane."

Jane shrugged. "Okay. I was a two-dimensional person for half a day."

"A what?"

"Two-dimensions. I was completely flat. No boob jokes."

Daria nodded. "No boob jokes."

"Dad was trying out some new experimental camera and I accidentally got in the frame. It removed my third dimension and it took Section Four half a day to get me back to normal."

"That must've given you a strange perspective."

Jane grinned. "Tell me about it. I've got some ideas to completely reinvent cubism."

Across the dining room of the caf, Quinn watched her sister and said to Zoe, "It's good to see her with a friend."

"Yeah, it's good to have friends."

Quinn looked back and raised her glass of diet soda. "Yes, it is. I think I'm going to like it here."

At the next table, Beverly faintly smiled and nodded.

* * *

Thanks to Louise Lobinske and Kristen Bealer for beta reading.

June 2010.


	2. Spiral Dynamics

Disclaimer: Daria and associated characters are owned by MTV. Eureka and associated characters are owned by Universal Studios. This is fan fiction written for entertainment only. No money or other negotiable currency or goods have been exchanged.

An _It's Eureka, Daria_ story.

Richard Lobinske

**Spiral Dynamics**

Stepping away from a well-manicured house that looked like it was straight out of the fifties, Daria turned and waved to the teenaged boy standing at the door. "See you tomorrow at school, Patrick."

"Good night, Daria," he said.

Daria adjusted her backpack and briskly walked down the street for several blocks and then cut over a couple more to reach a house that could best be described as an experimental blend of Frank Lloyd Wright and Stonehenge.

Jane Lane opened the front door and said, "Welcome, once again, to _Casa Nueva Lane_."

"Hi, Jane," Daria said, stepping inside.

Closing the door, Jane said, "Good study date with Patrick?"

Daria dropped her backpack on the sofa and turned. "We were studying. There was no date involved."

"If you say so."

"Trust me when I say that there is nothing romantic about Calculus."

"Right."

"Are we going to talk about my nonexistent love life or are we going to do something more valuable and watch _Sick, Sad World_?"

Jane picked up a remote and turned on the room TV. "Priorities. Your love life can wait."

"Good."

The TV announcer said, "They know your deepest and darkest secrets and will sell them on the open market! Feline telepathy, coming up on _Sick, Sad World_!"

Poking her head into the room from the kitchen, Amanda Lane said, "Oh, hi, Daria."

"Hi, Mrs. Lane," Daria replied.

"I was just going to ask Jane if she wanted me to order delivery from Caf Diem. Would you like me to include something for you?"

"They deliver?"

Jane said, "Vincent won't let Mom near the place after she tried to use his fusion reactor as a kiln."

"I really should eat dinner with my family tonight," Daria said. "But I suppose one of his strawberry muffins wouldn't be too much."

"Jane?" Amanda said.

"Oh, I'll have a Tritium Burger all the way with those addictive sweet potato fries."

"Got it," Amanda said. "I'll call it in."

After her mother left, Jane said, "You know, it's kinda freaky having Mom and Dad around all the time. Before we moved to Eureka, they were away far more often than they were home."

"Who looked after you?" Daria said.

"Trent."

"Your brother?"

"Yeah. Come to think of it, I think it was more like I was looking after him." Jane shrugged and said, "Either way, it worked."

"I thought my family was weird."

"They are, mine are just weird in a different way. Though I can say one good thing about Eureka; it gave Dad a real darkroom. No more developing film in the bathrooms or storing bottles of silver nitrate in the fridge."

"I'd have thought by now that GD would've gone completely digital."

"For some things, you still can't beat large format films."

"Ah."

"Anyway, shh. I wanna watch this."

"Telepathic cats?"

Pointing to the two tabby cats resting on the window sill, Jane said, "I want all the intel I can get on those furballs."

"I can see where they might want to get even with you for naming them after a dead president, but"

"Hey, they know things. Now, hush."

* * *

  
When they heard the doorbell, Daria said, "I'll get it."

Intently watching the show, Jane waved and grunted.

Daria checked the peephole and then opened the door. "Henry?"

In his usual coveralls, Henry Deacon said, "Oh, hi, Daria. I was expecting one of the Lanes to answer."

"As far as I know, Mr. Lane is still at GD, Mrs. Lane is in her ceramic lab and Jane is learning about the mind reading ability of cats."

Henry pointed over his shoulder toward his tow truck. Attached to the back was a battered black van. Even a casual observer would've noticed that there was something odd about the van, like it was sitting on the wrong frame. A lanky young man with black, spiky hair and a goatee climbed out of it and started to walk up. Henry said, "He claims to be a relative."

The young man said, "Hey, you're not Penny."

Jane bolted off the sofa and wrapped her arms around the man. "Trent!"

"Janey. Cool, I found the place."

Henry said, "Okay, since you belong here, I'll drop you off and take the van back to my shop."

Trent said, "Cool."

"Do you want to give me a hand in waking up your friends?"

"Yeah, good idea. Jesse gets all confused if you don't wake him up the right way."

Jane let go and turned to her friend. "Daria, this is my brother Trent. Say hi."

When Daria continued watching Trent without reply, Jane waved her hand in front of Daria's face. "Hello."

"Huh?"

"Like what you see?" Jane said.

"Um"

Jane laughed and pulled her friend into the house. "Think I should warn Patrick?"

"Bite me, Lane," Daria said.

A couple minutes later, Trent led three more young men into the house. He looked around and said, "Nice digs. Hey, the TV even works."

"Don't light a fire in it this time," Jane said. "Oh, this is my friend, Daria."

Trent said, "Hi."

Daria waved but found she couldn't talk.

Trent said, "These guys are the rest of my band, Mystik Spiral. That's Jesse, Nick and Max."

The boys said, "Hi," and Jesse said, "Is there a burger joint around here? I'm hungry."

Max said, "You're always hungry."

Jane said, "I'll have Mom call in extra food."

Surprised, Trent said, "Mom's home?"

"Yeah."

"Whoa."

Watching Henry get into his truck and drive off with the van, Jane said, "What did you do to the Tank? It looks different."

"Oh, we took the good parts off of my old Plymouth and put them on the van so that it would make the trip."

Jane said, "They're not the same brand of car."

Max said, "I'm the duct tape king!"

"It's a wonder you made it this far. Speaking of which," Jane said. "What are you doing here?"

"We're on our way to Seattle," Nick said.

"What's in Seattle?" Jane asked.

"We're on a pilgrimage," Jesse said.

Jane sighed. "Pilgrimage to what, the home of grunge?"

"I knew you would understand," Trent said.

* * *

  
Placing her lunch tray down first, Jane sat next to Daria and said, "So, are you going to have a little love triangle problem?"

Daria looked over at her friend. "A what?"

"Love triangle. You Patrick and my brother Trent."

"There's no triangle, Jane," Daria said.

"But you like my brother."

"Um"

"I rest my case."

Daria said, "Okay, I find him interesting."

"I was thinking love, or maybe just lust. Either one seems to leave you speechless around him."

"I will kill you, and recycle your body through my home."

"That's not what I usually mean when I say, 'Eat me.' Anyway, now that we've established that you like my brother, there's the little problem of Patrick."

"There is no problem with Patrick."

"Other than you go over to his house on a regular basis."

"To study."

"Yeah, study."

"We're friends." Daria pulled a Calculus book from her backpack and opened it on the table. "Do you want to help me?"

"Sure. I bet you've always wanted a straight C in math."

"I rest my case."

"Then why don't you study with anyone else in your class?"

"They never asked."

"Well, he did. That should tell you something."

"He was being nice to a new student."

Jane laughed. "Forget Cleopatra; you're the Queen of Denial."

"I'll leave you to your little fantasies," Daria said, "while I finish my lunch."

* * *

  
Before getting into the back of Sheriff Carter's SUV, Quinn waved at Daria and called, "Tell Mom that I'll have dinner with Zoe and her dad."

"Mom's going to get jealous of SARAH's cooking."

"You know that's only going to last until Mom figures out how to get frozen lasagna from the Bio-Home garden."

Jane said, "Nah, the chemical warfare sensors around town would never let that stuff through the perimeter."

"How would you know about chemical warfare sensors?" Daria asked.

"I'll just say that it involved an attempt to make my own pigments and leave it at that."

Quinn got into the car and said, "Later, Daria."

As the vehicle pulled away, Sheriff Carter said, "Tell Jake I said hi and that I hope we're still on for poker tonight."

Daria said, "I'll tell him."

After a couple minutes of waiting, Jake arrived and pulled to a stop. "Hey, kids. Where's Quinn?"

Jane was already climbing into the back of the car. "Went over to Zoe's."

"Ah."

Daria got in the front seat. "Sheriff Carter says to remember the poker game tonight."

"Got it written down on my planner! I hope Henry and Taggart remember," Jake said.

* * *

  
When Jake pulled into the driveway at Jane's place, they saw that the black van was parked, somewhat crookedly, there. The band members were slowly and inefficiently unloading instruments and gear.

Trent saw the car and said, "Hey, Janey," when it stopped and his sister opened the door.

"I see that you got the Tank running again."

Max said, "Of course. It's indestructible."

"Except when it breaks down every couple hundred miles," Nick said.

"Does not."

"Does too."

Trent saw the other passenger and said, "Hi, Daria."

She mumbled, "Hi."

Jane said, "Trent, this is Daria's dad. Mr. Morgendorffer, this is my brother, Trent."

Jake got out of the car and hurried around it. "Hey there, young man. Jake Morgendorffer. Genius Consultant."

Jane whispered, "He's a genius?"

"No," Daria whispered. "He thought it sounded better than 'Consultant to Geniuses.'"

"Gotcha."

Trent said, "I'm a musician."

"Doctor of Music, huh?" Jake said.

"Nah, I play in a band."

"A band? Wow!"

"Yeah. Mystik Spiral." Trent scratched his cheek. "Did you say consultant?"

"You bet!"

"We really could use a gig."

"A gig?"

"You know, someplace that'll pay us to play."

"Oh, yeah. Sure."

"Can you find us something?"

"You bet!" Jake said. "I'm the man you need."

"Cool."

Jane said, "I thought you were on your way to Seattle. Wait, you need more money to get there."

"Yeah."

"Don't you think you should warn them?"

"Yeah," Trent said. "We can be a little loud."

Jane gave up, shrugged and turned to Daria. "They can't do any more damage than that doomsday device coming up in the middle of town last week."

"Would we know if they did?" Daria said.

"You've got a point. Say, do you want front row seats while they practice tonight?"

"It has to be better than spending the night bonding with my mother, but the price she would extract is something I'm currently not willing to pay."

"She's been planning all day, hasn't she?"

Daria nodded.

"Bummer."

* * *

  
Dr. Alison Blake rose behind her desk and said, "Helen, Daria. Please come in."

"Thank you, Alison," Helen said as she led her daughter into the office.

Daria nodded and said, "Hi, Dr. Blake."

"Please, we're being informal tonight. You can call me Alison."

"Sure."

As she took a seat, Helen said, "How's your son doing?"

"Kevin's doing very well. He's with Nathan tonight working on a new therapy." Seeing Daria's confused look, Alison added, "That's Dr. Stark."

"Ah. I wasn't aware of the level of informality around Global Dynamics."

"Habit. He's also mysoon to be ex-husband."

"That's got to be complicated."

"Daria," Helen warned.

Alison smiled and lifted her hand. "She's right. Our relationship is complicated, but I've never doubted Nathan's dedication to Kevin."

Helen reached over and placed her hand on Daria's shoulder. "Dedication to your children is always important."

"Right, Mom."

"So, Daria, "Alison said. "How do you like living in Eureka?"

"It's certainly a giant leap up from Highland. There may be uranium in the drinking water, but around here, you know how to neutralize it."

"I think she's settling in nicely," Helen said. "She's already made a couple of real friends, unlike those two you used to hang around with before."

"They were amusing," Daria said.

"I swear that at times, you treated those boys more like lab specimens than people."

"Only once. Eh, maybe twice."

Helen shook her head. "It even looks like Daria's taken a fancy to a boy here in town."

"Mom, we study together. That's all."

Alison smiled and tilted her head. "I'm sure. Who is it?"

"Patrick Gallatin," Daria said.

"Nice boy," Alison replied. "Both of his parents are valuable researchers at GD."

Helen said, "Plus, she and her friend Jane are almost inseparable the rest of the time."

"Jane Lane?" Alison asked.

"She claims that is her name, but I wonder at times," Daria said.

Alison sighed. "Mr. and Mrs. Lane have beeninterestingadditions to the community." Remembering something, she said, "I heard that Jane's brother is in town. Have you met him?"

Daria faintly blushed and said, "Um, uh, yes."

Alison smiled again. "I take it he's cute."

"Can we please change the subject?"

"Sure. Helen, how is your husband doing?"

"Surprisingly well. I think it's wonderful that he's already made some good connections around town. That's what he's doing tonight."

"Mom, he's playing poker. Good thing it's penny ante, because Dad's lousy at it."

Alison said, "Is he in the game with Dr. Deacon, Dr. Taggart and Sheriff Carter?"

Daria said, "That's it, and I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in this town!"

"Please don't ever mention that to Sheriff Carter or he'll start doing a Humphrey Bogart impression."

* * *

  
Wearing a dealer's visor, Jack Carter swiftly dealt cards while saying, "Okay, boys, time to man up for some real poker. Five-card draw with nothing wild. Crap or better to open."

Dr. Nathan Stark said, "The standard is jacks or better."

"More opportunity to bluff," Jim Taggart said with his Australian accent.

"Different opportunities," Henry Deacon said, waiting for all of his cards to be dealt before looking.

"Five-card draw is what my old man used to play," Jake said. "For my allowance!"

Also at the table, a boy of about fourteen silently listened and picked up his cards one at a time, intently studying each as he placed it in his hand. The large pile of chips in front of him belied any idea that his ability was limited by his age. In a quiet voice, Kevin Blake said, "Five-card draw. Each possible hand has a simple mathematical probability based on the combination of five cards drawn from a pool of fifty-two."

Jack said, "Can anybody open?"

Nathan threw in a chip and said, "Open."

Around the table, Henry, Kevin, Jake and then Taggart matched the opening ante. Holding the deck, Jack said, "This table's just overflowing with confidence. Stark?"

"Two, please."

Jack dealt the cards and moved on. "Henry?"

"Also two."

"Kevin?"

"One."

"You'll never fill it. Jake?"

"Two, no, three."

"You're not going to fill it, either."

Seeing his draw, Jake muttered, "Dammit!"

"Taggart?"

"Give me one," Taggart confidently said.

"Done, and the dealer takes two," Jack said, completing the deal and checking the cards in his draw.

"Open with five," Nathan said, throwing in a chip.

"I'll see it," Henry said.

"Fold," Jake glumly said, dropping his cards.

"I will raise two," Kevin said, slowly counting out his chips and neatly placing them in the pot.

"The kid's not getting my money this time," Taggart said, folding.

"I'll see that," Jack said, throwing his chips into the pile. "And I'll raise three."

"Match," Nathan said.

Henry said, "I'm out."

"I will raise two," Kevin said.

Jack glanced from Kevin to Stark and then back at his hand. "Call," he said, adding two more chips.

Nathan looked at Kevin once and neatly placed his hand on the table. "Fold."

"Okay, Kevin. Let's see what you've got," Jack said, showing off a diamond flush.

"Full house. Two of hearts, two of spades, two of clubs, three of diamonds and three of spades."

After Taggart whistled, Henry said, "It may be deuces and threes, but it still beats a flush."

"How does he do that?" Jack said while Kevin picked up the chips one at a time and stacked them.

"It would be a major breakthrough if we could figure that out," Stark said.

"While we have a break," Jake said. "Is there a concert hall or something in town?"

Stark said, "There's Rutherford Hall. Why do you ask?"

"I represent a fresh, new band that's looking for a proper venue for a concert. Something hardcore."

Henry lifted both eyebrows. "Are you talking about the Lane boy and his band?"

"Mystik Spiral. That's their name."

"I'd think that Bunker 23 would be a better place for them."

"Where's that?" Jake asked.

Stark said, "That's where they used to store the experimental atomic rocket engines."

"Atomic rockets?" Jake said, excited. "You mean like Buck Rogers? When are we going to see them? Think of the marketing possibilities!"

"They had a few issues," Henry said. "They won't be going into production."

Jack said, "Why am I not surprised?"

Stark said, "I take it that this is a band that would appeal to the younger members of the community."

"You bet," Jake said.

"What do you know about producing a concert?" Stark said.

"Hey, I know about concerts. I went to Altamont!"

"Okay"

"They've got a local connection. They'll be great."

Taggart said, "Hey, why not. Kids always like music their parents hate."

Jack thought for a moment. "For musicians, they're pretty laid back. I don't see a problem with them performing and besides, Zoe has been bugging me about the lack of live concerts in town."

"I'm sure I can talk them into writing a Global Dynamics jingle as part of the deal," Jake said.

Nathan looked around the table. "I've got a feeling I'm going to regret this, but okay. You can use Bunker 23."

Kevin finished stacking his chips and picked up the card deck. "Seven-card stud," he announced as he started to deal.

* * *

  
Following Jake and Henry, Trent and the rest of Mystik Spiral looked around the old reinforced bunker in awe.

Max said, "This is awesome!"

Seeing a faded emblem on a wall, Jesse said, "Orion. Great name for a band."

Henry said, "That was the name of the atomic engine project. Don't worry; even though they built a launch pad, none of the prototypes were tested here. It was strictly storage."

Trent said, "Cool."

Running his hand along the concrete, Nick said, "Good acoustics compared to the places we usually play."

Jake said, "So, are you in?"

Trent shook Jake's hand. "It's a gig."

* * *

  
Joining up with Daria at lunch, Jane held up a small Mystik Spiral poster and said, "What do you think?"

"It has a tune and you can dance to it?"

"But would it get you out of the house and down to Bunker 23?"

"Well"

"If I talk to my brother, I'm sure I could get you a backstage pass."

Daria blushed and very quickly said, "That's not necessary."

Jane laughed and said, "Not necessary, but fun as hell."

Patrick stopped at the table and said, "Hey, is that poster for a concert?"

"The one and only Mystik Spiral," Jane said. "Friday at Bunker 23."

"Hey, Daria. Would you like to go? It sounds like fun. Or at least a change of pace for Eureka."

"I, uh"

Patrick smiled and stepped back. "Tell you what. Think about it and get back to me."

After he left, Jane said, "He likes you."

Daria grumbled.

"So you have to choose between handsome, mysterious musician who happens to be my brother and cute but geeky guy that is intelligent enough to carry on a real conversation with you."

"You're not helping."

"Stating your options."

Daria said, "I liked my life before I had options."

"Or you could avoid choosing and grab both."

"You're really not helping."

"But I'm still having fun."

Daria frowned back.

Changing her tone, Jane said, "After what you told me about your old place, you have to admit that it's a huge improvement."

"Yeah."

"So enjoy it. Go to the concert with Patrick."

"I thought you were pushing for your brother."

Jane shrugged. "It's fun to tease you, but I know him too well. The first time he fell asleep in the middle of a conversation, you'd be pissed off."

"Was that a hint that I'm boring?"

"No, it's the fact that my brother can fall asleep at any time and under any circumstances. Come to think of it, I hope he doesn't fall asleep during the concert."

"You're kidding."

"Nope, though it's amazing how someone can sleep while standing up and holding a guitar."

"So you don't want me to go out with your brother."

"A year ago, maybe. But now, I wouldn't do that to you."

"Thanks. I think."

"Any time."

* * *

  
Seated at the dining table of the Bio-Home, Daria opened her calculus book, but set her pencil aside. "Patrick, I've been thinking."

Across the table, he was still taking his book from a backpack. "About what?"

"The concert. I think I'd like to go."

"Great!" he said.

Daria dryly said, "Okay."

"Don't get too emotional on me."

"I don't want you to read too much into it."

He offered his hand to shake. "We're going as friends. Agreed?"

Daria shook his hand. "Agreed."

* * *

  
"Yes!" Jane said after Daria told her about the date. "I knew that there were a few hormones hiding in there somewhere."

Daria sighed and said, "What is your fascination with trying to set me up with someone?"

"Because it was so obvious you and Patrick have a thing going on."

"We do not have 'a thing.'"

"Whatever you say."

"Then what was all that with your brother?"

"Means to an end. He's young; he'll get over it."

"Remind me again why I invited you over?"

"You didn't want to face your family alone when you told them."

"Oh, yeah."

From downstairs, Jake called. "Kids, dinner's ready!"

Daria looked toward the stairs. "I'm glad the house has a biohazard safety override. Dinner's a lot safer since we moved here."

Jane said, "That's encouraging."

"Let's go down and face the music. And the _Penne a la Milano_."

Following Daria, Jane said, "I was meaning to ask, 'What is that?'"

"Some kind of pasta. The rest we'll discover when we get down there."

Helen and Quinn were already at the table with Jake when they arrived. Helen said, "Good evening, Jane."

"Hi, everybody," Jane said. "Daria here has an announcement."

As an aside, Daria grumbled, "Thanks."

"What is it?" Jake eagerly asked.

"Yes, Daria," Helen said, more guarded.

"Jane really is making too much of a production about this."

"I do what I can," Jane said.

"Come on," Quinn said. "What can be so important?"

"Don't worry about it," Daria said.

"Oh, come on, kiddo," Jake said.

"Fine. I'm going to the concert with Patrick."

Jake, Helen and Quinn looked at her for several seconds before Quinn said, "You have a date?"

"I said don't worry about it."

"That's great!" Helen said.

"Wow, anything can happen in this town," Quinn chirped.

"Patrick? Who's Patrick?" Jake said. "Have we met him? What's he like?"

"Yes, you've met him. He's the guy I've been studying with."

"What are his intentions?" Jake demanded.

Helen placed her hand on his arm. "Jakey, calm down. He's a nice boy."

"That's taking her to a concert. I remember what goes on at concerts," Jake said.

Helen looked at Daria. "What are Patrick's intentions?"

Daria covered her face. "To run away screaming when he meets all of you again."

Helen said, "Oh, dear. I'm sorry, sweetie. We appear to have overreacted a bit."

"A bit."

Helen said, "Jake, why don't you tell them about your little surprise?"

"Huh?"

"Special seating?"

"Oh, yeah! I've got special seating for everybody, even your young man, Daria."

Jane said, "Special seating? That's not next to the speakers, is it?"

"No, no no. You get to sit in the control booth!"

Jane said, "Cool. That means we won't be hit by things thrown at the band."

* * *

  
"Daria, you're not wearing that, are you?" Quinn said in shock.

Daria looked down at her regular clothes. "Why not?"

"You're going on a date."

"I'm fully aware of that."

"Don't you want to dress up?"

"Not particularly."

"How are you going to impress your date?"

"I don't know, perhaps I will use conversation."

"That's funny, Daria," Quinn said, laughing.

Daria shrugged and walked away.

"Wait a minute. You're serious."

* * *

  
"I have to warn you," Daria said, "that the rest of my family will be up there, as well as Sheriff Carter, Zoe, Dr. Blake and Kevin."

"I can deal," Patrick said.

"Are you sure?"

"Nothing is ever sure. But, reasonably confident."

"Well, there they are up ahead."

"Um"

"That sounded nervous."

"Okay, a bit nervous." He reached over and grasped her hand. "But a good nervous; let's go."

Jane waved at them and said, "Hola. Ready to have your ears abused in the worst possible way?"

Jake said, "Okay, everybody. Follow me. The concert is going to start in about ten minutes."

He opened a steel door and started up a set of narrow stairs. Daria shrugged and said, "That which does not destroy us."

Patrick said to Jane, "Is your brother really that bad?"

"Nah."

Patrick relaxed. "Good."

"He's worse."

Zoe said, "If they're so bad, why are we here?"

"It's like a train wreck. You've gotta stop and watch," Jane replied.

* * *

  
"What do you think?" Jake said as he led the others into the control room of the bunker complex.

Jane said, "It looks like Mission Control."

Seated at a console, Henry said, "At one time, they planned to launch an orbital test Orion from here. It was a fairly simple matter to convert a console over to run your brother's sound system."

Jane's eyes suddenly opened wide. "You didn't do anything to the band's equipment, did you?"

Henry grinned. "I think that they can do enough damage on their own without my help."

"Whew," Jane said, relaxing.

* * *

  
On the newly built stage, Trent walked up to the microphone while Jesse, Max and Nick limbered up. At the mike, Trent said, "Hey, Eureka. We're Mystik Spiral."

Jesse said, "We are?"

Trent shook his head. "We haven't changed our name." Back to the audience, he said, "This first song is called, 'Icebox Woman.' One, two, three"

The sound crashing from the stage caused Henry to wince at the control panel.

"Wow, that's really bad," Zoe said.

"I know," Quinn said. "I always thought Grunge described their clothes, not their music."

Nodding along to the beat, Jane said, "What they lack in talent, they make up for in volume."

Her hand on Jake's shoulder, Helen said, "They're not as bad as some of those bands that played at the Middleton Coffee House."

Alison put one hand to her ear. "I've played worse, but we were only twelve years old at the time."

Kevin listened without speaking, though there was a confused look on his face.

* * *

Almost half the original crowd were still around as the band howled, "_Wedgie the Man! Wedgie the Man!_" as Max slammed extra hard into a drum finale.

In the control room, red lights flashed and the panel in front of Patrick flashed a warning:

**PREMATURE IGNITION OF ORION PROPULSION SYSTEM DETECTED. INITIATING FAILSAFE.**

Jack looked over Patrick's shoulder and said, "That can't be good."

Henry looked over from his console and said, "The band's percussion must've trigged an old safety system."

Helen said, "What kind of safety system?"

"From the warning," Henry said, "it thinks one of the propulsion bombs of the Orion engine detonated prematurely."

"I've heard of the band bombing before," Jane said. "But I don't think that they've been mistaken for a bomb."

Alison said, "What kind of force is this failsafe system designed to handle?"

Henry said, "For the orbital test vehicle, each one of the bombs had a yield of zero-point-zero-three kilotons."

Jack said, "Zero-point-zero-three. That doesn't sound too big."

"That's the explosive power of thirty tons, or sixty thousand pounds of TNT."

"Oh."

"And it was designed to detonate one every thirty seconds."

"Okay, that sounds bad. No wonder I'm starting to hate the word 'failsafe.'"

Daria said, "Exactly what kind of failsafe does this place have?"

Heavy metal and concrete doors dropped down from the ceiling, sealing off the entire bunker complex.

"Blast doors designed to contain the detonations inside the bunker and prevent radiation leakage." Henry went over to the panel next to Patrick, saying, "We'll just override the system from here and go about listening to the rest of the concert."

Henry turned a knob and nothing happened. He returned it to its starting position and tried again. "Uh-oh."

Jack said, "Now that is one of the things I really don't like to hear around here."

"Hey!" Jake said. "I know when I say uh-oh, something's gone wrong." Jumping up, he shouted, "What went wrong?"

"The override isn't working."

"So we're stuck in here until the end of the concert," Zoe said. "What's the big deal?"

Quinn pointed at the crowd. "Yeah, the band is so loud, nobody even noticed the door things come down."

"The problem is that we're sealed in here and the bunker was designed for complete containment."

"Exactly how complete are we talking about?" Daria asked.

"Stray neutrons can't get out."

"So this whole breathing thing that all of us are doing is going to be a problem if we don't open those blast doors."

"Yes."

"Well, that sucks," Jake said. "Wait a minute. We're all going to die!"

Helen said, "Jake! Calm down. We're not going to die."

"Oh, good," Jake said, relaxing.

"There's simply no way I can fit it into my schedule."

Quinn said to Zoe, "That's Mom."

"Kind of like my dad," Zoe replied. "If he ever developed a schedule, that is."

Jack said, "Okay, Henry. What can we do?"

"I doubt if the band's playing is really creating shock waves as strong as a small nuclear device. I suspect that there is a loose wire in the detector that's sending a false signal. All we have to do is tighten the wire."

Jack said, "So where is this detector?"

Henry pointed to a small access hatch at one end of the room. "Inside there."

Jack walked up to the hatch. "Isn't it a bit small?"

"The main hatch is down in the main bunker. Which, unfortunately, we can't get to until the failsafe has been turned off."

Jack looked at his waist and back at the access hatch. "Henry, neither of us will fit in there."

"We'll need a volunteer small enough to crawl through," Henry said. Looking over at the teenagers in the room, he said, "That means it will have to be one of you."

Jane said, "Sorry, but back in Lawndale, I blew out the power grid for two blocks around our house when I tried to fix one of Trent's amps."

"Does that mean having to decide between cutting a blue wire or a red wire?" Quinn said. "Because I'm not real good at deciding between red and blue."

"I'm about as safe around wires as Jane," Zoe said. "Remember the VCR back in LA, Dad?"

Jack said, "We don't send Zoe in there."

Daria sighed and lifted her hand. "I'll"

Patrick gently grasped her wrist and lowered it. "I'll go. You're not going to be able to crawl through a tunnel very well in that skirt."

"Are you sure?" Daria asked.

"I'm sure. It's not like there's a real Orion engine in there."

"I wish you hadn't said that," Jack said.

Patrick ignored the comment and said, "Just tell me exactly what I need to do, Dr. Deacon."

Henry took a couple minutes to explain what was needed and then he opened the hatch for Patrick, saying, "Good luck."

"Thanks," he said, crawling into the small space.

After he disappeared in the dark tunnel, Jane said, "Damn, talk about trying to impress you."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, just saving everyone's lives while on a first date? That's got to count for something."

"She's got a point," Quinn said.

"You, too?" Daria said.

"Looks like a little sibling rivalry," Zoe said. "Quinn gets guys to fight over her and you get a guy to save half the town. Talk about your one-upmanship."

Daria shook her head. "And people wonder why I'm so reluctant to date."

* * *

  
"Uh-oh," Patrick said, seeing thick, tan foam dripping from a heavy valve crossing the tunnel. The valve was part of a pipe running from somewhere deeper in the structure to the bunker area where the band was playing. There was a bent linkage connecting the jammed valve to an actuator set in the wall. Squeaks and groans from inside the valve told him it was under pressure.

"I hope I can get a signal," he said, opening his cell phone. He dialed and, after a second, said, "Dr. Deacon, we have a problem. I'm shooting you a picture."

After receiving the photo, Henry said, "Do you see any markings on the valve or where it connects to the wall?"

Patrick looked and said, "I see a plate that reads, 'Neutron Absorbent Foam.'"

"Oh, boy," Henry said. "Don't touch it."

"Toxic?"

"Very. That's why it was discontinued. If it floods the bunker, it will kill everybody."

Listening, Jack said, "That sounded bad."

Henry covered the cell phone. "The bunker was designed to be flooded with Neutron Absorbent Foam. Patrick found a broken feeder valve of the stuff and it's leaking."

"That sounds pretty cool," Jack said. "Why didn't they use something like that at Three Mile Island?"

"Because the toxic residue would've been worse than the radiation."

"Oh."

"What about Patrick?" Daria said.

"Just a moment." Uncovering the phone, Henry said, "Patrick, can you reach the sensor?"

"No. The valve is in the way."

Alison said, "He needs to keep an eye on that valve while we get a containment suit to him. Daria, you were willing to crawl in there before. Are you now?"

Daria nodded.

"Saving the town together. Now that's a romantic evening," Jane said. "But, you know, if the job's only a pack mule, I am in better shape."

When the others shifted attention to her, Jane shrugged and said, "I like my brother and want to keep him around."

"I'll still go," Daria said.

Helen said, "Sweetie, are you sure?"

"I might not be much for dating and all that stuff, but even I don't want the reputation that goes with someone dying on their first date with me."

"Go get 'em, kiddo!" Jake said, suddenly hugging Daria.

"Um, sure Dad. As soon as you let me go."

Zoe said, "All this is good, but do we happen to have any containment suits just lying around?"

Henry pointed to a door at the back of the control room. "I saw some in there when I was setting things up. I'm afraid that they'll be rather baggy."

"Not like I haven't done that before," Daria said, walking to the storage room. If you'll excuse me, I doubt if a skirt will work properly inside one and I'd like a little privacy to change."

Helen said, "Dr. Blake, isn't there anything else we can do besides sending a couple of teenagers into danger like this?"

Alison said, "Ordinarily, Sheriff Carter would be the one in there, but as you know"

"My butt's too big," Jack said. "I don't like this either. Wait a minute, Jo would fit in there. I can give her a call."

Henry said, "Based on the damage I saw in Patrick's photo, we need to get those blast doors open and everyone out of there as soon as possible. We don't have time for Deputy Lupo to get here. Besides, she can't get through the blast doors."

"Dammit," Jack said, sounding a lot like Jake.

After a short delay, Daria exited the storage room, wearing a full-body protective suit designed for someone almost a full foot taller and carrying a second rolled up into a bundle. "Doesn't anyone make protective gear in a size small?" she asked.

"Special order only," Jack said. When everyone looked at him, he said, "I had to order them for Jo."

Before she could get to the access tunnel, she was smothered by Jake and Helen. He said, "Be careful, kiddo."

"Trust me, Dad. I have no intention of doing anything else."

"You can do it, Daria," Helen said.

"It's a fairly simple task, but thanks."

Quinn approached and said, "Good luck."

"Thanks, Quinn," Daria said, a little surprised.

"Though you've got to promise never to go around like that in public."

"Cross my heart," Daria said. "But if time's so important, I better get going and skip the rest of the heartfelt good-byes."

She crawled into the tunnel. After a couple feet, she turned and waved back at her expectant parents watching from the entrance. "I'll be back."

* * *

  
"Ow. Ow. Ow." Daria's knees were getting sore and she was tiring by the time she reached Patrick.

"My heroine to the rescue," he said.

"I assure you that I'm doing this only to escape from my family."

"A perfectly logical reason," he said, taking the bundle from her. "Excuse me; this is going to be a little cramped for me to put the suit on."

"I have an idea. Open the suit and set it on the floor. Then you can just sit down; pull your legs in and then your arms."

"I like it."

With much less fumbling than he had originally anticipated, Patrick was in the suit. "You'd better get back to the others."

"I think I'll stay here. In case you need any help."

"We can save the day together. Great way to top off a first date."

"Which means everything else will be downhill from here."

Patrick laughed. "In this town probably not."

Patrick crawled under the valve and wiggled through to the other side. Some of the foam stuck to his containment suit in the process. "Eww, sticky."

"I saw some decon supplies in the storage closet," Daria said, watching.

"Excellent. And there's the bugger," he said, examining the detonation sensor and finding a wire had fallen loose from a screw-top terminal. "Quick fix."

"I may have found a fix here," Daria said while wiping a thick layer of dust and grime from a labeled panel set in the wall next to the pipe.

He rolled the thumbscrew tight against the wire and said, "Got it."

"Emergency shutoff," she said, reading the label.

"What was that?" Patrick said just before the valve groaned under pressure and moved a fraction of an inch, releasing a trickle of foam.

"Something I better use right now," Daria said, pulling the panel open. Inside was a red, D-shaped pull ring. She grabbed it and yanked. Like the main valve, it was also stuck from years of disuse. "Dammit! I need a hand, here."

More foam fell from the valve onto Patrick as he crawled back. "Give me a little room."

Daria slid over as he squatted next to her. They both grabbed the ring and she said, "Might as well do it on three."

The valve groaned again and the pipe rattled as the valve arm slowly started to move.

Daria quickly said, "One-two-three."

The combined force snatched the D-ring from the wall and activated the shutoff. They heard a loud, metallic slam inside the wall as a guillotine blade severed the pipe and sealed it. Just past Patrick's shoulder, the valve squealed and gave way, opening fully.

"That was close," Patrick said.

Not noticing, Daria leaned against him and looked. "Closer than my excitement allowance for the night."

Patrick said, "But I don't object to you being this close."

Daria moved slightly away and said, "We'd better get you back for decon. That stuff's all over you."

"Some of it's on you, too."

Daria closed her eyes. "Crap."

"What's wrong?"

"Let's just say that a skirt doesn't fit well inside one of these suits."

"Oh. Look, all GD research personnel are required to have hazmat training. Dr. Blake should be able to help you decon."

"It's a small improvement, but I'll take it."

* * *

  
"Kiddo!" Jake called out as he rushed toward Daria.

Jack Carter was barely able to tackle Jake before he reached her. "Not until they've been deconned!" Jack warned.

Jake rolled free and scrambled to his feet. "That's my daughter!"

"I know," Jack said. "But wait until they get her out of that suit, okay?"

"What?"

"Out of the suit."

"Oh, yeah. Bet that's a good idea."

"The brains around here tell me it is."

Daria said, "Dad, I'll be right out. Promise."

Wearing a containment suit, as was Alison, Henry said, "We'll get them back as soon as possible." After he and Alison had given the teens a quick inspection, Henry added, "Yep, you'll both need to decon."

Alison said, "Daria, we can decon you in the storage room."

Daria nodded and followed Alison into the room. There, Dr. Blake carefully peeled the containment suit off Daria, taking care to roll it inside-out to prevent any of the external surfaces from touching. After Daria stepped out of it, Alison turned her back and said, "You can get dressed, now."

"Thanks, Dr. Blake," Daria said, reaching over to take her skirt off the top of the box where she had left it earlier.

Sealing the used suit in a bag, Alison said, "That was a brave thing you did in there."

"Um..."

"And the two of you saved a lot of lives."

"Um"

The soiled suit fully sealed into the bag, Alison peeled back her suit in the same fashion. "Something tells me that you want me to keep this low-key."

"I would appreciate it."

"But I will have to file an official report."

"I don't suppose I could convince you to use the name Melody Powers instead of mine?"

"Sorry, no pseudonyms."

"It was worth a shot. Okay, I'm decent."

Alison turned back. "Don't downplay what you did."

Daria shrugged. "It was the most reasonable thing to do."

"So it was, Daria. So it was."

* * *

  
Trent hit a closing flourish on his guitar and said, "We're Mystik Spiral! Good night!"

"Yeah!" Jesse said.

Watching from the control booth, Henry said, "And with that, we close down Bunker 23 as a concert venue."

Entering the room, Dr. Stark said, "I'm sorry, Mr. Morgendorffer, but they're not exactly the image we want to present for Global Dynamics."

Jane said, "Yeah, they kinda suck, but they grow on you. Like a fungus."

Dr. Stark said, "We recorded an alarm from here. Any problems?"

Everyone looked around for several seconds before Dr. Blake stepped forward. "I will explain later."

Kevin said, "They play as well as Dr. Taggart plays poker."

Alison turned to Dr. Stark. "Poker?"

He said, "I will explain later."

* * *

  
Collecting their pay from Jake, Trent said, "Whoa."

Nick looked over his shoulder. "We've never made this much from a gig before."

"Think of all the Cluster Burgers we could eat."

"We could buy a real fan belt for the Tank!" Max said.

"You know," Trent said. "With this much dough, we might even be able to make it to Mirage after we see Seattle."

"Mirage? Cool," Jesse said.

"We're there!" Nick said. "We'll take the art world there by storm!"

"We're going to blast them like a nuke," Max said, opening the side door to their van. "Let's get on the road."

"Yeah, we better go," Trent said. He hugged his sister and said, "Good seeing you, Janey."

"Good to see you, you oaf. Why do you have to take off so fast?"

"We're like rolling stones and don't smoke the moss," Jesse said.

"That explains it," Daria said.

"We're a band on the move, Janey," Trent said. "It's what we've gotta do."

"Who broke Mom's pottery?" Jane asked, deducing the reason for their hasty exit.

"She doesn't know, yet," Trent said. "Better that way."

"I'll tell her a strange ground tremor from GD hit the house. Again."

"Thanks, Janey."

"No problem, Trent."

The band climbed into the van and after Trent closed the driver's door, he said, "Don't worry, we'll be back."

"When you get hungry enough or need laundry, I know," Jane said. "Take care, you slacker."

"Later," Trent said with a wave as he drove away.

To Daria, Jane said, "There goes your last chance."

Daria half-stepped to be closer to Patrick. "I like my chances here."

Jane smirked and said, "I need to get me one of those."

* * *

  
Thanks to Louise Lobinske and Kristen Bealer for beta reading.  
November December 2010.


	3. A Walk in the Woods

Disclaimer: Daria and associated characters are owned by MTV. Eureka and associated characters are owned by Universal Studios. This is fan fiction written for entertainment only. No money or other negotiable currency or goods have been exchanged.

An _It's Eureka_, _Daria_ story.

Richard Lobinske

**A Walk in the Woods**

Between gulps of coffee while she quickly paced back and forth in the kitchen, Helen Morgendorffer said over her cell phone, "Dr. Blake, I am already dealing with thirty-seven lawsuits caused by Beverly Barlowe spouting off confidential psychiatric information over the town's public address system last week. Yes, we are working on the defense that she was under the unwilling influence of psychotropic spores, along with most of the rest of the town."

Seated at the breakfast counter next to Quinn, Daria looked out of the kitchen window at the workers in full protective gear cleaning out the Bio-Home's compost pile. She said, "For once, I'm glad we were stuck at home in this place and that the biofilters pulled the pollen out of the air for recycling."

"Me, too," Quinn said. "From what Zoe said, the whole town went really weird. I mean weird by Eureka standards."

"That's pretty weird."

Helen stopped and said, "I have to stop by my office first, and then I'll bring everything to you. Good-bye." Helen pocketed the phone and said, "It's going to be a busy day, girls. Go ahead and order something from Caf Diem if you don't want to be exposed to your father's cooking tonight."

"Gotcha, Mom," Daria said. "I'm probably going to eat at Jane's."

"That's fine, sweetie. What about you, Quinn?"

"I don't know yet. I might go over to Zoe's after school for some online shopping."

"I heard Sheriff Carter has been under the weather lately. Tell him I hope he feels better soon."

"I will, Mom."

"Oh, and about the shopping, please try to keep things under budget. Bye!"

"I will," Quinn said. "As if I have a choice with the smartcredit cards that the Bank of Eureka issued."

"If it makes you feel any better, think about the number of grounded days you've avoided because of the smartcredit," Daria said.

"I hate it when you do that."

"It's a gift."

* * *

Walking down the hallway of Tesla High School with Daria, Jane said, "This place is so much better than my old high school, but sometimes, I wish we could get away from it all for a day."

"This place is so much of a better place than my old school, but sometimes, so do I. But I don't want to know what kind of high-tech anti-truancy devices they use around here."

Jane stopped at a bulletin board and took a flyer from the wall. With a grin, she said, "Don't need to worry about it if we're on a field trip to Global Dynamics."

Daria said, "What's that?"

"Dr. Zhukarov is looking for two test operators for a new off-road walker. It could be fun, we don't need a driver's license, and we get out of class."

"I would think that they'd advertise in a nursing home for subjects to test walkers."

"Not that kind, silly," Jane said, holding the page for Daria to see. "This kind."

"It looks like something out of Star Wars."

"We can use them to explore the woods around Eureka. Come on, it'll be fun."

"I'm still getting used to this 'having fun' stuff."

"Come on. Do you really want to sit through class today? We'll get pizza afterwards."

"Okay, you've got a deal, but if I see anything that looks like an ewok, I'm leaving."

Jane laughed and said, "If you see any, I'll be right in front of you."

"You mean behind me."

"No, I run faster, so I'll be in front of you."

* * *

The vehicles stood about eight feet tall, with an oblong, two-seat cockpit slung between a pair of mechanical legs. The curved, oval canopy over the pilot's seat provided good all-around visibility and a sturdy folding ladder was lowered from the left side to allow entrance.

Dr. Zhukarov wore a fedora on his bald head while he escorted the teens around the two vehicles. "It is completely drive-by-wire. Simply point the joystick in the direction you want to go and the walker will follow. The entire idea behind the concept was to make operation as simple and intuitive as possible. We also included the collision avoidance radar. The drive system will override pilot controls to avoid striking another object."

"So that's why you're using high school students," Daria said. "To make sure any idiot can drive it."

"Hey, that would make it safe for even Daria," Jane said.

"Bite me, Lane," Daria replied.

"Well, yes," he said. "It has been well established that teenage drivers have the highest risk of accidents due to their inexperience and overestimation of their skill."

Daria said, "But aren't teenage boys even better known for such traits?"

"There's a limit to how much risk I'm willing to take," Dr. Zhukarov said.

"These people aren't considered geniuses for nothing," Jane said.

Dr. Zhukarov said, "Each walker has a data recorder to measure your location, speed, direction and any corrective actions the system needs to make. So, go out and spend the next four hours wandering around the forest and see what you can do. See what my walkers can do."

"What if we run into any trouble?" Daria said.

"You can use the radio inside to call for assistance if any is needed."

"Okay," Jane said as she climbed up the ladder to her walker. "Let's go, Morgendorffer."

"All right," Daria said. "We'll be back in four hours."

"Have fun, girls."

* * *

Seated in the air-conditioned cabin with music playing from an installed stereo system, Daria thought that Zhukarov was right; it was an easy vehicle to operate. Just point and go like a video game.

Coming up on a clearing in the forest, Jane said, "Hey, let's see if I can make this thing dance."

"Come on, Lane. Without arms and a white leisure suit, how do you expect it to dance?"

Jogging the control back and forth to make the walker do a crude side-stomping motion, Jane sang along with her music, "I can't get no, satisfaction."

"Mick Jagger, you're not," Daria said.

"I sound better than my brother."

"That's debatable."

Jane was suddenly jarred as the walker moved aside and a voice said, "Collision avoided."

Hearing, Daria said, "Well, twinkle-toes, what did you almost hit?"

"I don't know, there's whoa."

Daria moved her walker over next to Jane's and she looked down into the tall grass. What looked like a piece of black-painted aircraft wing was buried into the ground while a gash tore through the grass and away to the forest edge. There, under the shadow of the trees, was the rest of the aircraft, twisted and wrecked.

"Oh, crap," Daria said. "We need to see if anyone is injured."

Jane followed Daria and, from the walkers, quickly examined the wreckage. The canopy had been jettisoned and the cockpit was empty. Jane said, "Looks like he got out."

"Whoever he is. Jane, look at this thing."

"It's a cool shade of black and has some neat lines."

"It's a stealth aircraft of some kind. One that I've never seen and I've been studying them for my latest Melody Powers story."

"We're in Eureka; it's probably some new prototype."

"We need to call this in."

Jane said, "I guess you're right. Call away."

Daria changed the radio channel. "Dr. Zhukarov, do you read me?"

"I read you, Daria," he said. "Do you have a problem?"

"Um, we found a crashed airplane. No sign of the pilot, it looks like he got out all right."

"Daria, there's wrecked experimental vehicles all over the woods of Eureka. Don't worry about it."

"What if the pilot is still out here?"

"Then GD Security would be out there looking for him. They probably wrote the wreck off as a lost cause and abandoned it in place. They do that when it's a particularly embarrassing failure. Go on and have fun, kids."

After Zhukarov closed the communication, Daria said to Jane, "Look at the ground; this is fresh. I'm going to try calling Sheriff Carter."

"I heard he's been sick lately," Jane said.

"If he doesn't feel up to things, he'll send Deputy Lupo." Daria dialed the number on her cell phone and waited. After reaching the voice mail, she said, "That's odd. I'll try Lupo."

After reaching voice mail again, Daria looked concerned and said, "That's very strange."

Jane said, "They're probably dealing with the latest Eureka freak show."

"I'm going to try one more thing."

This time, a man answered, "Global Dynamics Security, how may I help you?"

"Hi, this is Daria Morgendorffer. I'm in the western forest with Jane Lane and we found a crashed airplane."

"We have no record of an airplane crash."

"It looks like it might be a stealth aircraft."

"We can detect all known stealth configurations and we've had no airspace intrusions."

"Okay, I might be wrong, but can you send someone out to check, just to be sure?"

"Deployment of a security team requires an authorization from Dr. Stark or Dr. Blake."

"Can you please try to get the authorization?"

"Both are currently unavailable. We will record your request and we will get back to you."

Daria closed the phone and said to Jane, "Looks like we're on our own."

There was a slight, odd crackle on the radio and a woman's voice said, "Ms. Morgendorffer. A team will arrive at your location shortly. Please wait. Thank you."

"Or not," Jane said, while Daria gave the radio console a nervous glance.

* * *

A few minutes later, an aircraft that looked much like the wreck appeared and, after hovering a moment, dropped down to make a vertical landing.

"I've seen nothing in my research about a VTOL stealth aircraft," Daria said.

Jane said, "It looks cool."

After the canopy opened, two women removed their flight helmets and climbed out of the aircraft. Wearing GD Security uniforms, they walked over to Daria and Jane. The first, a woman with blond hair pulled into a pony tail, said, "Ms. Morgendorffer?"

"Yes," Daria said.

"I'm Dawn Calvin," the new arrival said, then gestured with her open hand toward the second woman with close-cropped, brown hair. "And this is my partner, Lana Godby. Please, call us Dawn and Lana."

Jane said, "You got here awfully fast."

"We were already searching for the missing aircraft when your call came in," Dawn said.

Daria said, "If you were in the air searching, why didn't the dispatcher know?"

Dawn said, "This is a highly classified Section Five project. They did not have clearance."

"The most restricted part of Global Dynamics," Daria said.

"But you're talking to us," Jane said.

Lana said, "Your involvement has become unavoidable."

"Great. In that case, I guess it's a good thing we weren't able to contact anyone else."

"That will make our job a lot easier, yes."

"What do you want us to do?" Daria said.

Dawn said, "Dr. Zhukarov's experimental walkers will be very useful."

"How?" Daria asked.

"They give us a mobility advantage. You and Jane drive while Lana and I search for our target."

Jane said, "Target?"

"We're very interested in the missing pilot," Lana said.

"That plane was stolen," Daria said.

"Yes," Dawn said. "So you can see why we want the pilot."

"Can we assume that this pilot is probably armed?" Daria asked.

"There is no direct danger from the pilot," Dawn said.

"If the plane was stolen, how can you be so sure about no direct danger?"

Clearly reluctant, Dawn said, "The First Law of Robotics."

"You're after a robot?" Jane said.

Dawn and Lana both nodded.

"More Section Five?" Daria asked.

The security officers nodded again.

"So we're not going to be able to say anything about today, are we?" Daria said.

"That's right," Lana said.

Daria rubbed her nose under her glasses and said, "Okay, but one ground rule. No embarrassing changes of clothes. Understood?"

Dawn said, "I think we can agree to that."

"Good."

Jane said, "How are we going to follow this robot?"

Dawn held up a small device. "We can track its positronic brain."

Daria said, "Positronic?"

"Let me guess. Section Five stuff, right?" Jane said.

"Where else?" Lana replied.

Daria said, "I have a couple of questions."

"Go on," Dawn said.

"Is this robot programmed with all of the classic Laws of Robotics?"

"Yes."

"Then why didn't someone simply order it back when it stole the aircraft?"

"It is firmly convinced that returning without completing its task will result in human harm. The First Law is overriding the Second."

Jane said, "What is its task?"

"To reach something in Section Five."

Daria said, "I thought it was from Section Five."

Dawn said, "Yes, but it waselsewhere at the time."

"You can't tell us where," Jane said.

Lana said, "No, we can't."

"I've got a feeling I need to get used to that."

Lana nodded. "It would be a good idea. Helps me all the time."

Daria said, "What can you tell us about the robot? For instance, does it look like a robot?"

Dawn said, "Artie is clearly a robot."

"Artie?" Jane said. "You named a robot Artie?"

"Unit RT-10," Dawn said, "is a hazardous situations entry and operations model that is hardened against heat, cold, chemicals, magnetism, radiation, you name it. It can operate equally well on the surface of a volcano or a glacier, as well as take radiation readings from the edge of a nuclear crater."

"I hope you have something really big to knock it out," Jane said.

Dawn said, "No."

Jane raised her eyebrows. "No?"

"We're going to have to talk to it."

"Talk to it?" Daria said.

"Yes, and we have to be successful before it reaches Global Dynamics. His appearance would raise a lot of questions that we, and a lot of other people, don't want to answer."

Daria said, "In other words, somebody really screwed up and you're stuck cleaning up the mess."

Dawn slightly smiled. "That's it in a nutshell. So, we had better get going. Daria, do you mind if I ride with you and Lana with Jane?"

"I guess not," Daria said. "Jane?"

She shrugged. "Rich people pay good money for adventures like this and we get them for free. Let's go."

* * *

Reading the aged sign ahead, Daria said, "That's a restricted area."

Seated behind her, Dawn said, "You're with us; it's okay. But to be safe, bear to the left."

"Won't that take us off our track?" Jane said.

"Yes, but it will avoid something that it would be best if you didn't see."

Over the radio, Jane said, "Gotcha."

Following the new path, Daria said, "Since my family moved to Eureka, I've been turned into a living light bulb, I've had to save half the town from the malfunction of a nuclear rocket bunker and now I'm tracking down a lost robot. When does Global Dynamics start giving me hazardous duty pay?"

"Trust me," Dawn said. "You haven't seen anything close to what GD considers hazardous duty."

"Yeah, we just take our lives in our hands when we wake up every morning," Daria said.

"That's not hazardous duty around Eureka; that's just life."

"Cheer up, Daria," Jane said. "You could've ended up in Lawndale. I'll take Eureka any day."

"I still find it weird that I almost moved to the town you moved from," Daria said.

Dawn said, "That's life. Get used to it."

Daria groaned. "I was afraid of that."

* * *

"Artie is just ahead," Dawn said. "Follow the trail."

Jane said, "Not that I object to adventure or anything, but this thing won't hurt us, right?"

Dawn said, "A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. The First Law is clear."

"And unlike humans, robots actually follow the law," Lana said. "Sometimes, frustratingly to the letter."

"Experience?" Daria said.

"Why do you think we were sent?" Dawn said.

Jane asked, "Why don't you shut him off? Don't you have a remote or something?"

"Yes," Dawn said. "But that is an option of last resort only. Shutting down a positronic brain causes damage on par with a serious traumatic brain injury in humans."

Looking ahead, Lana said, "There he is."

RT-10 smoothly walked through the forest underbrush and used its arms to cleanly move vegetation out of the way. Its polished, unbroken surface gleamed in the sunlight.

"Why is it so shiny?" Jane asked.

"Easy to decontaminate," Dawn said. "It's made of durachrome; completely smooth with no rough surfaces, sealed seams, and no places for even the tiniest amount of contaminating material to stick. Dammit, Artie got closer to GD than I had wanted. Pull around and we'll get out to talk to it."

"Okay," Daria said, maneuvering the walker around the robot and then stopping about twenty yards ahead. A glance at the navigation display showed the Global Dynamics outer security perimeter was just over the next hill.

Dawn and Lana climbed down and stood in front of the robot. Dawn said, "Unit RT-10, pause for a minute."

The robot stopped and its mechanical voice said, "Delaying my mission for sixty seconds will not have an adverse effect."

"Thank you," Dawn said.

Daria took the chance to examine the robot. It reminded her of the antagonist of a certain android time-travel movie, only with fewer features and no attempt to make it really look human. The head was featureless except for a full-circle dark band that she presumed was some kind of sensor array.

Dawn said, "Artie, we understand that your mission is to prevent certain harm of a human being."

"That is correct," Artie replied. "Dr. Kim Anderson will die if"

Dawn quickly said, "Not everyone here has Section Five security clearance."

"Understood."

"The First Law requires you to act to prevent human harm."

"That is correct."

"Even if that action causes harm to more humans?"

"After I prevent harm to Dr. Kim Anderson, I will act to prevent harm to others."

"What if you are not successful in preventing harm to others?"

Daria and Jane had climbed down and were watching. Daria said, "Why is Artie so certain that Dr. Anderson will die if he doesn't act?"

Dawn winced at the question and while keeping her face turned away said, "I'm sorry, Daria, but you don't have the clearance and please, don't ask any more questions. That goes for you too, Jane."

Daria said, "Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies?"

"That's a good way of putting it," Lana said.

"Artie?" Dawn said. "Answer my last question."

"I must do everything I can to prevent harm to humans."

"What if your actions cause harm to humans?" Dawn said.

"The First Law does not allow me to harm humans," Artie said.

"It does not allow you to intentionally harm humans, or intentionally allow them to come to harm."

"Correct."

"I am telling you that if you are successful, you will prevent Dr. Anderson from being harmed, but that many more humans will be harmed because of your actions." Dawn held up a small object in front of Artie's sensor array and said, "Scan the data on this unit and you will see what I mean."

Artie stood still for a moment and then said, "You are correct."

Lana let out her breath. "Good, then you'll follow us back."

"I cannot," Artie said. "And I have paused for more than sixty seconds." The robot started walking toward Global Dynamics. "The harm that will come to Dr. Kim Anderson in the immediate future has developed a stronger First Law potential than the more distant harm to other humans you showed me. Therefore, I must follow the stronger potential."

As Artie walked away, Daria said, "Remembering the stories, there is one more thing you can try."

"Yes," Dawn said. "But there are consequences to that option."

"The only other thing you can do is turn him off and you said that you didn't want to do that."

"I know, and I still don't want to do that kind of harm to him." She shook her head. "I'll do it."

* * *

Dawn and Lana jogged side by side while Daria and Jane followed. Lana said, "Are you sure that we don't have another option?"

"I could point a gun at your head and say if Artie advances any further, I'll shoot you. It'll be a higher First Law potential," Dawn said.

"I'm not really excited about that idea. How about if I point a gun at you?"

"Either way, it will work until he finds a way to disarm whichever one of us has the gun. It's this, or shutting him down."

In a now voice, Dawn said, "The consequences of Artie saving Dr. Anderson or, worse yet, reaching the Artifact means that we have to take the risk."

"Yeah, reality unraveling would be bad," Lana said. "You and your damn logic."

Dawn ran ahead of Artie and then stood firmly in front of him, holding up her identification badge. "Unit RT-10, Core programming override code Echo Lima Lima India Sierra Oscar November."

Artie stopped and said, "Unit RT-10 ready to receive new core programming."

Dawn took a deep breath and muttered to herself, "Boy am I going to have some explaining to do."

"Please repeat the command," Artie said. "I did not understand."

Clearly, Dawn said, "Zeroth Law. A robot may not harm humanity or, through inaction, allow humanity to come to harm. Core programming closure code Hotel Alpha Romeo Lima Alpha November."

Artie said, "New programming accepted and active."

Dawn said, "Good. Artie, you must return with us."

Artie said, "Yes, ma'am."

Letting out her breath, Dawn said, "Please follow us."

"Yes, ma'am."

Lana said, "It's over."

"That's it?" Jane said.

"We still have to sanitize the crash site," Lana said, "but otherwise, yeah."

Jane asked, "If it was this easy, why didn't you do it before?"

Dawn said, "Because we just created a robot that could develop the moral imperative to take care of the entire human race."

Jane's eyes widened. "Oh."

Daria said, "So what will you do with Artie?"

"For now, we have to keep it focused on its duties," Dawn said. "And minimize the amount of news that it learns until we can think of a way to reason with it further."

* * *

With Artie's help, the wreckage was vaporized and replaced with fragments of an experimental surveillance aircraft. Dawn brushed some dirt from her hands and keyed her personal radio. "Global Dynamics Security, come in."

A voice replied, "Global Dynamics Security."

"Authorization Janus. Crash site at grid Delta Echo Three Five confirmed to be missing Project Parsons vehicle."

"Janus confirmed. Crash information recorded and investigation closed. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Dawn said.

Jane said, "That sounded like something we're not going to repeat to anybody."

Daria said, "Agreed. Not a word."

Lana nodded. "Smart girls."

Dawn said, "Thank you for your assistance. If you hadn't found the crash site, we wouldn't have located Artie in time."

Daria said, "Um, you're welcome. Are we going to need to be debriefed or anything?"

"No," Dawn said. "The case is closed."

"That was awfully easy."

"Trust me, behind the scenes, it's not," Dawn said. "Now, why don't you two get on your way? I'm sure Dr. Zhukarov would like his walkers back."

"He told us that there were data recorders on board," Daria said. "They would show our exact path."

Closing a hatch on a walker, Lana said, "Don't worry about that."

Jane said, "You know, heading back sounds like a great idea. Come on, Daria," as she climbed up into her vehicle.

Walking to hers, Daria said, "What about your sense of adventure?"

"I've had my fill for the day."

Daria climbed into the cab of her walker and after waves from Dawn and Lana, she and Jane turned and headed back to Dr. Zhukarov's lab.

* * *

Daria and Jane were lounging on the sofa and letting the day's events sink in when Quinn arrived home. Agitated, Quinn said, "You won't believe what happened to me today!"

"Probably not," Daria said. "But I'm sure you're about to tell us."

"Some old programming of SARAH took over Zoe's house and held her dad, Dr. Stark, Dr. Blake, Dr. Fargo and Ms. Barlowe hostage. It even pointed a weird laser thingy at me and Zoe when we got there!"

"Sounds like you had an exciting day."

Quinn shook her head as she went upstairs. "You're not kidding. What did you do, today?"

Daria looked at Jane and said, "We went for a walk in the woods."

"Be glad it was something tame."

Jane looked at Daria and both laughed.

* * *

With Artie loaded onto their aircraft, Dawn said, "Damn, we were that young, once."

With a laugh, Lana said, "Yeah, we were, but we got over it."

Dawn checked a reading inside their aircraft and said, "Good, we haven't disrupted any of the other temporal loops appearing around this time. Mission accomplished."

"Too bad we can't change a few things'"

Hands on hips, Dawn said, "You know what happened the last time anyone tried that; we both ended up going through high school in Lawndale."

"Yeah, I know, but still."

Dawn slid a switch on her belt and the hologram around her and Lana faded to reveal their true forms. "Let's get out of here, Lane."

"Sounds good, Morgendorffer."

* * *

Thanks to Louise Lobinske and Kristen Bealer for beta reading.

June 2011.


End file.
